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The Monk and Traveler: a lesson in emotional intelligence

Updated: May 5, 2023

People are emotional creatures. We are social in nature and like to take our anger and aggression out on each other. Social media has helped fuel this because of the man-behind-the-curtain mentality. You don't have to look someone in the eye when you put them down. This is just the way it is but what if we just didn't do that?


There are choices in life the way you react is your choice. You really can't help what others do in terms of how you treat them. You may treat someone poorly and you cause a poor reaction. This was your choice. The opposite is true. Treat someone well you will get treated well. You get what you put out in the world. This premise can be put on the person being treated poorly, they can choose to react in a certain way. These actions take tremendous self-discipline!


I am not above reacting to people's "stupidity".

- I do.

I am also not above acting "stupidly".

- I do.


I think of insults and anger sometimes in the sense that, what if the person insulting me or trying to put me down was speaking a different language and I didn't understand what they were saying? They could be reading the riot act and swearing me up and down. I would have no idea. Their words don't affect me so who cares. It is their problem, not mine.


No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Here is a quick story to provide insight into the thought.


Some time ago, lived an old monk who was well respected among the villagers.

This wise old monk devoted some time to teaching young people respect and dignity and how to protect themselves from even among the strongest individuals without violence. He would tell this single story to prove his point.


One summer evening, a wherry traveler showed his arrogance as he came through the monk’s village. Not familiar with monks, the traveler began to insult the respected monk by hurling insults and disrespecting him. Perhaps the traveler did not believe the same things as the monks or didn’t like what the monk was wearing. Whatever the case the traveler was trying to get a rise out of the monk.


After several minutes of listening to the traveler, the monk did not utter a word and let the traveler continue the triad. All the while no word was uttered from the monk making the traveler angrier and angrier but the monk remained impassive. The traveler continued until it seemed as though he was going to get physically violent with the monk.


Then the monk asked the traveler a question:


– “If someone comes with a gift and you do not accept it, who belongs the gift to?”


– “To the person who brought it”, replied the traveler.


– “Well, the same applies to your anger and insults” …- said the monk. – I do not accept your words as gifts and they continue to belong to you. Take them with you and leave my village.”


The traveler, tired and defeated and beaten, left the village with the anger that he brought.


It is up to you to listen to the words of others and it is up to you to decide if you accept the words that are given you.


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